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| A different picture - part 4 | |||
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It is Wednesday morning. It’s very early. I shall start at work at 6 am, but I feel horrible. Something is going on. My body doesn’t function at all. It feels like I am filled up with stones. Of course I don’t understand a thing. I am not able to collect my thoughts.. They are flying away, and gives me no meaning……. At work everything is as pr normal, but it still feels strange. I go into the break room, and let myself fall into a chair. One of my working mates looks at me, gets this big question mark in his eyes, and asks me if anything is wrong. “This is going to be a hell of a day!” I responded. I knew it was true. But I still couldn’t figure out why. I start out working. Time goes. It gets close to 11 am, and I feel more and more ill inside. Some few minutes over 11 I am not longer able to do a thing. I go into the break room again. For half an hour Im sitting down, staring at a black spot on the wall, whilst my soul hurts so deeply…… Tears are falling, and I can’t stop them. Some few minutes past 11.30 it’s like something loosen.. My body feels very calm, and I have the feeling that I don’t exist.. but moves around in a world im not a part of. Then, after a short while, I start to feel better, and I go out and continue my work. Im finished for the day. Time is now 2 pm, and it will be so good to go back home to my little apartment. I need to be alone. The day passes, and im moving around with a minimum of thoughts in my head. I don’t eat, don’t read, and don’t listen to any music. Im just walking around in the rooms. But suddenly there is someone on my door. “Knock knock” its says.. And I fall back and down, like a little hermit crab who hide into its shell. – That is When I understand. Everything falls into my head, as if my whole life, with all the happenings, now shows in a big picture what has happened. - There has been an accident. I can say so with no doubt. My father and brother are gone. They are dead. They are lost on the sea, today, between 11 and 11.30 am. In the end I open the door. The man who stands there gives me only a message, telling I shall call home. That in itself is not any unusual. I do not have any phone in my apartment, so I normally get messages from where I work, when my family has to talk with me about something. But this time I know what it’s about…. I walk down to my work, and borrow the phone in the security area. Then I call. But it’s busy on the phone. Since I can’t get hold on my mum, I call instead my grandmother. When she answers, I ask; “So, they are gone now… both of them??” She says; “Who have you been speaking to?” “No one” I said. She becomes very quiet for a little while, and then says; “ So.. You know more than the rest of us……… We only know that they are missing…..” But the answer is as I expected. Now they are gone. And I am 23 in 12 days..
-own writings-
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| © AriZonaMoon 2008 |