|© www.arizonamoon.eu 2008||home||2nd time||1st time|
|The border, 3rd time; May 1978|
A lot of kids were gone on a weekly trip. We should be bathing every day and hopefully would many of us learn to swim. Some of the kids could swim already, but I was 10 years old, and had still not learned it.
It was the first day. All of us were bathing, and the teachers and the guards should split us into groups. I had been on the ground water for a long while, but then I started to drag myself out on deeper water. The plan was to stay out there, still holding onto something, and just look at those who were jumping and diving. But then – I lost the grip – and went under –
I know I went up and down some few times, and I know I was making some splashing and waving – but what I felt right then I don’t know. In hindsight it seems like what I experienced later made these first minute not important.
I am lieing on my back at the bottom. There is many meters of water above me. My arms and my feet are stretched right out, and i am totally relaxed. I have absolutely no pain, not physical or physiological. I don’t think I ever before or after has been more “awake”. I have never before heard or seen so clearly. I’m a part of the whole universe, and all I feel is an amazing peace…
It’s a very good feeling to be lying here, and i am saying to myself; “If no one comes and find me now, then I die.” But I felt no sorrow for myself. I was totally calm and felt safe in the situation. I could see other people in the water above me. I saw the shadows of those on shore, and I could hear the shouting and playing from the lively kids around. I thought it might be very sad for my family to lose me in this way. I was still so young..still a kid. But I meant they would be able to manage somehow. Then the “memory-box” started to play.. All the happenings and situations I had been in went through my head in seconds. But even if it went quickly through years of my life, I saw it all, and recognized the situations. It was like my brain could work much quicker than normal.
Then the world parted in two. On my left side was the “old”, known world. On my right side it grew up a new dimension. It was an existence built of light and colours, like strong pastels. Yes, somehow there are nothing really called that, but it’s the only way to explain those colours – so filled up of joy and smile, and behind this universe of colours, a symphony was played…far, far away….. It was an enormous orchestra, and as time went by, it came closer and closer.. Or it was probably me who moved somehow.. My mind did. I felt at home. I thought I was supposed to go that way. That was what I wanted…. But I turn around a last time to the old world at the left of me – and there – up on the edge onshore, I saw them... my family – I knew they were not there, still I felt it as they stood there and looked down on me with this sorrow and questions in their eyes. And suddenly I got the thought that I couldn’t die now after all. I couldn’t go anywhere yet. I had to go back, as I had a lot of things I was meant to do. There were unsolved tasks meant for me. So... yes, I probably would have to go back. That was my last thought…and so I was gone.
I am onshore. I am lieing in a pool of water, and a lot of people is standing and sitting around me. I know the one who is closest to me, I know her name. And I become furious. What does she have to do with this?? She has no right to interfere in my choises. This is something I have to do by myself. – It is My choice! Mine alone. And when I wake up, i am going to be where I want to be... and that is Not here.
I know that woman is bending over me, does something to me.. But I don’t want to have anything to do with her messy actions, as it does not affect what is the Real me. And all of a sudden I am floating, and parts up... I am still lying there, at the same spot, when I see myself rise up from myself, and walk off, over to a door in a wall about 10 meters away.. At the same time I can see a shadow on my right side.. Something flying, or soaring, upwards... It stops many meters above me –
Then I suddenly find myself in the part of me standing by the door – and I can see the girl on the floor, and also the shadow up in the air soaring above her. And in the end I am in the shadow. This is also me, but I have no body. I can see the one standing by the door. She must be over 30 years old. She meets my eyes, she looks so wise. She has lived many years more than me, and seen and experienced a lot. She asks me with her look if I really want to stay up here, with no body. And there, in her eyes, I can see the sorrow I don’t feel in myself, now when being a shadow………….
The woman standing by the door, was also me, as I looked, when I was sitting down to write this, over 20 years later. You may wonder what she knew, that made me decide to return to the little kids body, the 10 years old girl who was lying so silently down there on the ground………..
-Own Writings -
This track, by words, music and view, may give an additional peek into a special condition
that to some extent can explain a bit of the feelings in the story above. ;-) - Emocean - Lunatica -
© AriZonaMoon 2006